fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
