If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
