Plan B is the new Plan A
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
