the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
