I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
