Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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