Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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