I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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