the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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