I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
