Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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