I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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