What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
