exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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