Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died