I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly