I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream