Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry