you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
