Midget sex pt 2 tonight
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
