Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
