just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
