we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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