Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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