hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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