I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
