I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
