Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
