In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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