And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
