just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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