There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
