This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm always down for nudity.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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