I love black thongs
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
