So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
