Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
