dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
