There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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