I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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