Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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