You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
