is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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