Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
