his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
