i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.