Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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