In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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