dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
