I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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