I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
