exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
