Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
