I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh god it's open bar.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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