I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I fill condoms, not promises.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
