I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
