I think my vagina is haunted
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
