I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
