She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
