I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh god it's open bar.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize