just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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