And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm passing your future prison.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I have poison ivy on my dick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job