i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
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aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS