If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
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just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
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At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..