I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd