I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
