I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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