dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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