wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
