just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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