Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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